Morris Man Madness

16 Nov

Apparently James Herbert was once told, ‘write about what you know’. So he wrote about rats. I subscribe to this idea so I largely write about places, people, groups or beliefs that I have had personal experience with. So far I’ve written fiction about or involving psychiatric hospitals, old folks homes, Occupational Therapists, Physiotherapists, painters and decorators, farms, rock festivals, homeless projects, stand-up comedy, hitch-hiking and Christianity. All of these things I have first-hand experience with, be it through jobs I’ve had or just because I’ve tried them or become involved with them.

In November this year I have ghost story called The Snap End Morris Men coming out with Boo books for a ghost stories anthology called Haunted which I’m very pleased about. I’ve always wanted a story included in a Christmas ghost stories anthology since seeing Lawrence Gordon Clark’s Ghost Stories for Christmas a few years ago.

So, this story is about Morris dancers, something else I can add to the above list as having first-hand experience with. For the last year and two months I’ve been a Morris dancer. To write about Morris dancing you have to know a bit about the tradition so being in a Morris side helps. I didn’t join a Morris side exclusively to write one ghost story but the story came from the experience of being part of a Morris side.

So why the heck did you decide to take up Morris dancing, I hear you ask. Well, I like folk music and actually like Morris music. I have a few CD’s of it at home wedged in between the doom mental section and the prog section of my collection. (I know, arranging your CD’s by sub-genre seems to be a male pastime) So when I met Northampton Morris Men at a festival one summer I got talking to them took and they my details. As this is an unpopular English pastime Morris sides are all quite low on numbers and keen for new people to take it up  By September I was turning up to dancing practice in a working man’s club every Monday in a village near to where I live.

Morris dancing is a lot harder than it looks. Apart from the stick-hitting and the hanky-waving there is also the stepping, the complicated foot movements to consider. I’ve been doing it for a year and a bit and I’m still learning to master the footwork. There are also other movements within various dances; the half jip (or gip), the whole gip, the left hand star, the right hand star, process up, process down. (You no doubt get the idea so I won’t go on)

Since joining and dancing out with the Morris men I’ve been to more village fetes than I’ve ever been to in my life and been to more pubs than I’ve nearly ever been to in my life. At one pub where we danced we were even given free beer by the landlord. Now, that alone is a reason for joining the Morris men.

There is also the aesthetic angle to consider when joining a Morris side. At Northampton we wear a baldric (a sort of double sash), short black trousers and long white socks, a tri-corn hat and, of course, bells. When twelve of us turn up to a pub wearing all the same thing it’s a bit like being in a gang. Sure, you might get a few shouts from spectators but it’s largely good humoured. I was never in a gang at school and I never managed to pull off any kind of fashionable look (I was too fat to be a Goth) so this is about as close as I get to being in a gang with a look. With our tri-corn hats, white shirts and socks I sometimes feel like a droog from Antony Burgess’s A Clockwork Orange, if A Clockwork Orange had been written by Thomas Hardy and not Burgess.

Of course, all this could be perceived as sinister and weird by the modern world. The Wicker Man would not have been half the film it was without the folk music and traditional dances and costumes and to some extent used the modern world’s distrust of rural traditions. Even back in 1971 Doctor Who depicted Morris dancers as mad, possessed men who take the Doctor captive to burn him on a pyre in the story, The Deamons.

With this in mind I knew I had to write fiction about Morris men but I’d had such a good time with them that I found it impossible to depict Morris Men as sinister. So I conceived a ghost story, partly inspired by the documentary The Way of the Morris. As it is the centenary of World War One I also wanted to write something about the devastating effect of that conflict.

Compared to the horrors of the trenches, Morris dancing seems like a gentle, positive activity. What would you rather be doing, drinking ale and dancing with your mates at a village fete or being shot at, up to your neck in mud in the trenches? So I wrote the Snap End Morris Men, a ghost story. I’m sure I’ll write other fiction about Morris dancing as time goes by.

I’m thinking of writing a fantasy set in an alternative England where Morris dancing takes place but I’d invent my own dances and names for Morris dances in this universe. However, some of the names of real dances and tunes are quite strange enough without any embellishment from me. Lads-a-bunchum being one, Bonny Green Garters, anyone?


The Holocaust that Never Happened

5 Aug


On Channel 4 the series The 100 has started. The premise being that 97 years ago life on Earth was wiped out by a nuclear holocaust but some humans sat it out in a space station orbiting the Earth. Now they’ve sent down a group of young criminals to investigate and see if the radiation count has dropped. What they find are mutant creatures and primitive tribes.

            Watching this brought me back to the sort of stories I enjoyed in my youth. In the Eighties the threat of nuclear war was real. My childhood seemed to be spent watching Protect and Survive adverts shown on the news but when What-if-the-bomb-dropped? drama Threads was aired on BBC1 in 1984 the reality of nuclear war became clearer. Yes, it was a scary prospect but it was also kind of exiting. I went with the belief that it wouldn’t happen anyway. Well, it didn’t, did it.

            The holocaust that never happened  played  huge role in the sci-fi literature, television programmes and films that I was watching at the time. Other apocalypses were possible such as mass blindness as seen in Day of the Triffids or a plague envisioned in Survivors but Nuclear War was the most probable and possible threat at the time.

            One of my most enduring memories of holocaust fiction, apart from Threads, is the TV adaptation of  the novel by Robert C. O’Brian,  Z for Zachariah. A young girl is left alone in a Welsh valley that is somehow immune to radiation then a man arrives with plans to seed a new society. The Girl, Ann, understandably isn’t too keen to make babies with some beardy stranger so leaves taking his radiation suit with her.

Threads 3

            The other holocaust story that I remember vividly is James Herbert’s Domain. The third instalment of his hugely popular Rats series. The bomb drops and the rats come out to have gnaw. The story follows a group of survivors as they make their way through a wrecked London. Also worth reading is Swan Song by Robert R. McCammon.  America is nuked and an immortal force of evil walks the wasteland causing trouble. Think Stephen King’s The Stand but with a higher rad count. These are examples of apocalyptic fiction that describes a world just after the bomb had dropped. Fuel for the imagination seemed to come from trying to visualise life decades, or even centuries, after the holocaust.

So prevalent was the bomb that most sci-fi didn’t even need to mention the holocaust by name. Think of the end scene in Planet of the Apes. Charlton Heston finds the statue of liberty on the shore and we all know what’s happened. Interestingly in the new Apes film it’s a global pandemic which nearly wipes us out, a possibly more relevant apocalypse for this day and age.

John Wyndham’s The Crysalids is set many years after the apocalypse. Humanity has reverted to theocracy and there are tribes of mutants out in the wastelands, banished by the religious ‘normal’ society. The religious society has the now nearly iconic phrase Thou Shall Watch for the Mutant.

            By 1989 the iron curtain had collapsed. The threat of nuclear war decreased. Science fiction moved on and with the emergence of the digital age other concepts occupied sci-fi’s storylines such as virtual reality. However, the possibility of nuclear war never really went away.

Threads 2

In 2007 whilst at unit I showed by flatmates Threads. These guys were all in their early twenties and are too young to remember Protect and Survive or Maggie Thatcher. I thought they might find it cheesy and retro. By the end they were watching through their fingers, horrified. Of course, the nuclear threat it no less real today. The tragic events in Ukraine over the past few weeks have set the US and Russia at loggerheads again. In 2002 India and Pakistan were at the point of war, both countries are nuclear capable.

            In The 100 it’s not made clear what caused the holocaust but as Margaret Thatcher once said, ‘You can’t dis-invent the bomb’. Perhaps it isn’t as forgotten as we think it is. 

The 100   

Prog’s Not Dead – a personal journey through the zones where rock music and sci-fi overlap.

12 May

As there are hundreds of books and thousands of websites dedicated to all the bands I’ve mentioned here, I wouldn’t bother reading any further if I were you. Go on, just Google Hawkwind or Pink Floyd or Yes or Bolt Thrower. They’ll tell you all you need to know about these bands perhaps more comprehensively than I can. So why am I writing this blog entry then? Being a member of Northampton Science fictions Writer’s Group my intention was to write a comprehensive guide to the role Sci-fi plays in rock music. I’m not gong to do that. Instead I’ll tell you what I know.


Shindig guide to spacerock. More informed than my wittering on the subject. .



Twelve was quite an important age for me. My reading age caught up with my real age thanks to James and Frank Herbert, I got into music and became a fanatical enthusiast of the genre heavy metal. Another world of imagination opened up. I was as keen on listening to music as I was on reading horror and sci-fi. Sometimes they over lapped.

Iron Maiden’s 1983 album Piece of Mind concludes with a six minute track called To Tame a Land. Reading the lyric sheet I noticed that they were using phrases from the book I was reading at the time; Dune by Frank Herbert. Phrases such as Stillsuits and Gom-Jabbar. I even wrote to the Iron Maiden fan club to clarify this and received a note from their manager in hand-written scrawl.

Yes Paul,

                        You were right. To Tame a Land was inspired by Frank Herbert’s Dune



Like it wasn’t obvious, but to the twelve year old me it wasn’t.

Quite how much a writer’s taste in Music affects their work is subjective and debatable. Alistair Reynolds entitled his short work Diamond Dogs, inspired or in reference, to David Bowie’s 1974 Album. The Klaxtons called their first Album Myths of the Near Future after a JG Ballard collection. Our very own NSFWG member Ian Whates is a keen fan of sci-fi prog-rockers Yes.

The history of science fiction in music consciously goes back a few years. In the Year 2525 was a kooky sixties record by Zager and Evans. Other artists dabbled with the themes of space including Pink Floyd. Floyd’s early work is laden with space references. Cirrus Minor, Interstellar Overdrive, Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun all refer to space travel; pushing out into the boundaries of the unknown but obvious references to the use of hallucinogens serve a dual concept as the spacey elements become almost metaphors for the psychedelic elements. Notably on Cirrus Minor (from the soundtrack to the film ‘More’) where the lyrics tell of  a chap taking trip from a woodland glade to Cirrus Minor. He isn’t using a space shuttle to get there, guys.

Syd Barret, Pink Floyd.


Moving into the Seventies and the progressive rock movement unashamedly ally’s itself to Sci-fi. The band most associated with Sci-fi, who operate under the banner of ‘space rock’ and wear their sci-fi credentials on their sleeves is Hawkwind. If being a rock band and associating with sci-fi were a criminal offence then Hawkwind would be sentenced to instant vaporization. Collaborations with Michael Moorcock on the 1975 Warrior on the Edge of Time LP and ten years later with their Chronicle of the Black Sword LP saw Hawkwind embrace the imaginative elements to the maximum with mind melting stage shows and brilliant conceptual pieces such as Sonic Attack and Space is Deep.

Sonic Attack and Space is Deep being monologues with sinister undertones. Sonic Attack is a mock public information soundbite on how to survive a sonic attack, chillingly reminiscent of the government’s Protect and Survive campaign a few years later advising the British public how to survive a nuclear attack.

As an adolescent I needed to be spoon fed songs and anything without immediate lyrical and musical cohesion lost my interest. Sadly I only really started to appreciate the above two bands much later on in life. For instance, my brother played me Hawkwind’s debut and I remember thinking on hearing Be Yourself ‘This is just eight minutes of weird sounds. What rubbish.’

Now I listen to it thinking: ‘Wow, this is eight minutes of weird sounds, great.’

Looking like a Mayflower paperback from the 70’s, Space Ritual. A Truly excellent live album from Hawkwind.


In the seventies there were a host of sci-fi friendly bands under the progressive banner. The foremost of these being Yes. Musically more objective than Hawkwind and certainly less influenced by narcotics (although some might debate this point), Yes made songs with titles like Starship Trooper and The Gates of Delirium. Their covers were works of art by renowned fantasy artist Roger Dean. Although Yes’s aesthetics and music appealed to sci-fi fans Jon Anderson took the sci-fi aesthetic to boiling point with a concept about space travel, Olias of Sunhillow, a good old fashioned concept album about an alien called Oilas piloting a spacecraft called the Moorglade Mover from his home planet, which has experienced a volcanic catastrophe, to a new planet called earth (small e). How sci-fi is that? The cover art looks splendid as well.

I first heard Yes being played on Tommy Vance’s radio show when I was a kid and decided I didn’t like Jon Anderson’s high pitched voice. These days I listen again and I think it suits the music. I must admit that I only really like their Rodger Dean artwork period. Tales from Topographic Oceans is an album for long car journeys unless any of your passengers hate prog rock which most people I know seem to.

Olias of Sunhillow



When I was growing up in the 1980’s there was a mini prog-revival with bands such as Twelfth Night and IQ being played on the Tommy Vance Friday Rock Show. To my knowledge, the only one of these bands to adopt the sci-fi imagery and lyrics explicitly was Pallas. Their 1983 album The Sentinel was a semi-concept album focusing in the destruction of Atlantis. The cover art alone was enough to get me to ask my parents for it on my 13th birthday. I was so cool. While all the other boys were pulling girls to Duran Duran (a band whose name was taken from a character in Barbarella) I was at home studying the lyrics to prog opuses like this. Talk about wasted youth.



Another aspect of my life that guaranteed my virginity into my twenties was my love of heavy metal. Back then girls didn’t like metal. These days girls walk around in Marilyn Manson and Slipknot t-shirts. Talk about being born too early.

Heavy metal and horror go hand in hand but metal is no stranger to Sci-fi. Iron Maiden I’ve already mentioned but Brummie metallers Judas Priest wrote some fine sci-fi themed songs. Invader from 1978’s Stained Class album begins with the sound of a UFO in take-off mode and warns of aliens invading. Electric Eye from 1982’s Screaming for Vengeance uses as its subject matter satellite monitoring but the finest conceptual song from this band, in my opinion, is The Sentinel from 1983’s Defenders of the Faith. (The one with a metal lion on the cover armed with missiles and named the Metallion. Metal-lion? Get it?)

The lyrics depict a post-apocalyptic future of upturned, burned out-cars and a shell of a cathedral where hordes of Mad Max type thugs challenge The Sentinel to a fight. He kills them all with throwing knives. The drama and intensity are ramped up to the maximum by the music and Rob Halford’s powerful voice. The times I’ve nearly crashed the car singing along to this one.

Look, the metallion, teeth, claws, missile launchers and all.


Birmingham’s other, more famous sons, Black Sabbath have flirted with Sci-fi. Planet Caravan; a nice, laid back ditty describes a travel through space while Into the Void tells the story of refugees escaping a dying earth to begin a new life on a better world.


From space, looking to the Earth, it would seem as if all the sci-fi excesses in music happened in the Seventies with Yes and Hawkwind (I don’t count ELO in this even if they did have a spaceship). So what about now?

By now I mean the last twenty-odd years. Well, our old friends Iron Maiden had an album out in 2010, The Final Frontier, which had a wrecked spaceship on the cover. I’ve discovered a few sci-fi gems myself. In 1998 industrial thrashers Fear Factory had released a concept album called Obsolete. The protagonist of the story being a terrorist/freedom fighter who calls himself Edgecrusher, battling a megacorporation hell-bent on taking the Earth to the edge of destruction and oppressing its people in the meantime. The Edgecrusher fights the system without much success before finding inner piece in a ruined church. Linear notes written by Burton C. Bell, vocalist, describe the concept written as a short story. This was the only time Fear Factory dabbled with the concept album idea which was a shame as it worked very well. They even had Gary Numan on guest vocals.

Eighties thrash band, Bolt Thrower based their concept around the Warhammer role playing game. Their debut Realms of Chaos boasts a track listing of songs exclusively based on the Warhammer world such as World Eater and Through the Eye of Terror. As with most extreme metal, the lyrics aren’t always decipherable and the music is just too much for the normal ear. Not mine, of course, I love this sort of stuff.


Put this on at a party when you want your guests to leave.




Finally, in this day and age, the sci-fi concept album as something of a re-emergence with modern prog bands such as Transatlantic, Star One and Spock’s Beard. Leading this resurgence is Ayreon (no, I can’t pronounce it either), a band formed by Arjen Lucassen. Lucassen is a Dutch Multi-instrumentalist who gets his mates involved with his projects. Mates such as Fish from Marillion, Devin Townsend, Mikael Akerfeldt from Opeth, Sharon Del Adel from Within Temptation and the bloke who played the flute from Focus. Ayreon release good old fashioned concept albums that span two whole discs and that is a lot of Music. 010111001 is the title of one of the concept alums and not a Stockholm telephone number, as is The Theory of Everything and Universal Migrator (parts 1 and 2)

Sorry, I couldn’t get this to go any bigger so you might have to squint. It’s the cover to Universal Migrator Parts 1 and 2, Ayreon.


I’ve only heard two of these double disc concept albums. Musically there are influences from Yes and Marillion as well as a lot of what could be termed Eurometal. The Human Equation is a concept album about a bloke in a coma going through his life. The other one that I’ve heard is the sci-fi epic Into the Electric Castle: A Space Opera (He even entitles it a space opera, how sci-fi is that!).Various characters from history get taken out of time to the electric castle by a seemingly benign entity voiced by Peter Daltrey (no relation). He begins by telling them not to be afraid then tells them that some of them may die in the tasks they will be expected to undertake (so no need to be afraid, then) and ends by having some kind of vocoder melt down as the minds of the characters that the entity has captured are the only things keeping him alive. Some songs sound like they could be entered for Eurovision and to the cynical ear this is nothing but flamboyant and pretentious. I don’t have a cynical ear and simply enjoy it for what it is; imaginative, slightly cheesy and as I can’t play a note I’m really in no position to criticise music. Also, there are some great keyboard parts and the guy from Focus can really play that flute.

 Look at the artwork on that. Squint again.




So, if you made it this far you have either a) been given some musical pointers b) been taken on a tour of songs and bands to avoid. Thanks for listening.  










The Last Man on the Net

23 Mar

My wife and I often joke about who comes from the poorer family. She says that she came from a poorer family because her mother used to take in lodgers and she wore her sister’s hand-me-downs.  I say that I came from a poorer family because we didn’t get a video recorder until 1987.

            When it comes to technology I’ve always been a bit slow on the uptake. I bought my first CD player in 1999, I didn’t get a mobile phone until 2004, never cut and pasted on a computer until 2005 and this year, 2014, have begun to e-publish.

            I begin this digital adventure at a time when ‘everyone is doing it’. So, have I missed the boat? Shut the stable door after the horse has bolted? Shaved my chickens before the earthquake? Pressed ‘play’ halfway through the programme? (And other sayings)

            Well, here’s another saying; better late than never.

            My fears about having done all this too late are reduced when I think that this might not have happened at all. Since 2000 I’ve written eleven full novels and one novella. Some of them I’ve submitted for publication and some I’ve just left because, well, they were more like practice runs. If the digital publishing revolution had never happened then these novels would just sit on my hard drive, unread. Maybe some friends would have read them but that would have been it.

            Before digital self-publishing I remember trudging down to the post office, a first chapter, covering letter and return envelope in my hand, queuing behind some poor soul there to pay his gas bill, and sending off my submission to some large faceless publishing house or literary agent only to be rejected a few weeks later. My scuffed return envelope would arrive with a standard rejection letter but more often than not they would always use a paper clip to attach the letter to said rejected submission. Okay, Jeremy Farquaharson-Canker Literary Agents, so you’re rejected my work but I’m one paper clip better off so who’s the loser now?  

Now, this is NOT a pop at literary agents or publishers. Having met a few at conventions I hear their side of the story. They get thousands of submissions a week and publishing is a business. They can’t take risks on unknowns who think they’re the next JK Rowling. And they did give me all those paperclips. But seriously, a few years ago it was a literary agent who kindly wrote back to tell me to get involved with the BFS which led to my first short story publication. They are not anti-writers, quite the reverse in fact.

            The sad truth was that, back then, trying to get your novel published was like hitting your head against a brick wall with the words GO AWAY, YOU WILL NEVER BE PUBLISHED  writ large upon the brickwork. So, my manuscripts sat in the darkness of my hard drive.

            Until now.

            You may have read a thousand blogs about how the literary establishment has been rocked by ebooks but it’s true. I came to realise that all the novels I’ve written can now see the light of day. My first novel, Bad Acid, was rejected hundreds of times. There were a couple of scares when one agent wanted to see the next five chapters, another wanted to see the full manuscript but decided not to go with it. I actually changed the title to The Deities (a title that I didn’t like but thought may be more saleable) to try to get it published. When Bad Acid hits the digitals shelves in May it will retain its quirky, trashy title. So, the wall with GO AWAY, YOU WILL NEVER BE PUBLISHED has been smashed down. I am now published. My first independently published title, The Acid Lounge, a 9,000 word novelette is now out there to buy for the whacking price of $0.99. When I’ve worked out how you make it free I will. How many I sell will be up to the ebook buying public. Success will be determined by the people, not by just one person somewhere in an office drowning in submissions. How many I sell will be down to how well I publicise the product and whether the purchaser thinks it’s any good.

            The most important thing, for me, if the fact that it is being published and the stories aren’t stuck on my hard drive. As a human being you want to make your mark on the world, hack a chunk into the fabric of reality. I feel I’ve done this, however small my mark may be.  











The Omega Man and Me

12 Jan

One January, in a shell garage located by the A45 dual carriageway in Northamptonshire, I stopped to get some petrol, like you do. As I waited in the queue to pay at the counter I saw that they were selling a few DVD’s. Among the popular titles like Die Hard and Toy Story sat the 1971 version of The Omega Man starring Charlton Heston retailing at a whacking £3.99.

            Sometimes you watch a film with low expectations, hoping for something cheesy, laughable yet lovable. Sometimes you’re in for a surprise.

            I’ve not read Richard Matherson’s novel I am Legend but I’ve seen the Will Smith film adaptation. Basically, the majority of the world’s human populace gets infected with a plague that turns people into blood-crazed zombies. Will smith has to fight them off and find a cure at the same time. In our day and age the Man-fights-zombies-then-finds-other-survivors plot is well worn and has been seen a hundred times. In 1971 that particular plot-path was still fresh and new. Night of the Living Dead had only been out for a couple of years and the man-fights-zombies plotline was not embedded in our consciousness as it is today.

            So, back to The Omega Man. In my £3.99 DVD Charlton Heston’s character Dr Robert Neville is living in a deserted city, hunting for supplied during the day but barricading himself in his home in a hotel at night, lights blaring out against the infected victims of the plague. The big difference here is that Neville’s enemies aren’t mindless zombies but thinking, conscious, religious and totally mad.

            Neville’s nemesis is, if I remember correctly, The Family. A cult of survivors infected with the plague. They present as pale, albino-like and photophobic; The Family can’t stand light so only come out at night. Their leader is Matthias, a fundamentalist who abhors the technology that, he believes, created the plague. Neville, who is unaffected, is the heretic, the ‘Creature of the wheel’ who still embraces technology. (He drives a car and, more inconveniently for the photophobic Matthias and crew, leaves the lights on at night). So Matthias and his band of hooded cultists, Neville, the omega man, is the number one target.

            Matthias preaches from a pulpit, wears a hood like some crazed monk and has legions of loyal followers. Which, on balance, is scarier? A mindless zombie or a fundamentalist?


The 1971 version of The Omega Man remains one of my favourite sci-fi/horror films of all time. There are no CGI effects; the stunts are real as are the locations. The city where Neville lives and survives is deserted but not decaying or weed-strewn yet. In the opening shots of deserted streets where litter is blown around and silence reigns, a chilling sense of the post-apocalyptic is evoked. Matthias and his hordes look effectively menacing and insane with their pale faces and black cloaks. They look medieval in their get up which creates a sense of the surreal by placing them in the modern urban environment.

            The drama created between Neville and his nemesis could never have been achieved if Matthias had been a mere zombie and the sense of struggle between the two opposing view points just adds to the tension. In one scene one of the main protagonists, a young woman hardened by fighting for survival on the streets of the city, becomes infected with the blood-plague and joins Matthias’s family. You could almost say how this illustrates how seductive the beliefs of the fundamentalist can be to the lost and the frightened. But hey, this is just a movie. I really should stop over analysing this.

            In the end, Neville finds a cure for the plague, Matthias tries to stop him from getting the cure to the non-infected survivors and Doctor Neville dies just as he gets the cure to them.

            So, to the 2008 version. I don’t want to slag it off, it was an enjoyable film but no where near as enjoyable as the 1971 version. I would like to have been a fly on the wall at some of the scripting meetings for the 2008 I Am Legend. Why did they choose to leave Matthias out of it and give Will Smith a mindless nemesis? Maybe they didn’t want to invoke the image of the fundamentalist in these times where fundamentalism is a more pertinent issue? Maybe they thought they’d play it safe with the well-worn plot of man-versus-zombie. This is a shame because in Matherson’s novel the vampires’s weren’t mindless attackers, they put Robert Neville on trial at the end of the book. Whatever the reason I still prefer the 1971 version.

            Having said this I’ve not seen the 1964 version of Mathersons Novel, The Last Man on Earth Starring Vincent Price. I might like that even better but I don’t think they’ll be selling it at any Shell garages anytime soon.   

Action, action,action

13 Oct

A few weeks ago I went to the cinema to watch Elysium. I was really looking forwards to it. Made by the same people who did the excellent District 9, Elysium promised a thought provoking premise and detailed, convincing CGI. The thought provoking premise was basically this; all the rich people went into space to live in a vast orbiting suburb that reminded me of parts of Surrey. These elite millionaires had found a cure for ALL disease and illness. Of course, they were all keeping all for themselves so struggling citizens from the poverty stricken Earth wanted to make it to Elysium and find a cure for their sick children or themselves. The protagonist gets a dose of radiation from the nasty robotics factory where he works and needs a cured in the next five days so takes a risky illegal flight to the orbiting space station.

            All brilliant but then the fighting began. I sat through repeated action sequence after action sequence and this caused me to wonder if all these sequences were specifically put in to keep the audience happy.

            So, what do I mean by keeping the audience happy? I’m not saying that Britain is populated by knuckle dragging morons who’s attention is only kept by action sequences and let me categorically state that I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS IS TRUE. You cannot separate our society into two fractions; those who watch documentaries on BBC4 and those who watch the X Factor. I don’t believe humanity cannot be so easily categorised. I have friends who don’t have a humanities degree and like to watch the X Factor but also understand the complex metaphysical conundra central to the plot on a programme such as Life on Mars. They understand it but don’t use pretentious phrases such as ‘metaphysical conundra’ to explain it like just did.

            From my perspective that film producers seem to think that you can categorise society like this and an action sequence will bring in the masses of drooling Burberry-wearing chavs to a film like Elysium because they won’t understand the plot and a fight sequence will keep them entertained. The media always underestimates the intelligence of the average citizen.  


Sci-fi, in the cinema at least, now seems to equate lots of shooting with big, futuristic looking guns. Since the space-marines in Aliens stepped out onto LV-426  back in 1987 there has followed a trail of films where space marines step onto an unknown world and shot the hell out of the aliens. No wonder extra-terrestrials haven’t made contact with us when we make this kind of film about them. Apparently when signals are transmitted from Television Centre to our TV’s they are also sent out into space. We’ve been inadvertently broadcasting re-runs of Aliens, Starship Troopers and Doom into space for (light) years. We’ve also been broadcasting X –Factor and Strictly Come Dancing into space for the last ten years which may be another reason they’ve not made contact.


Literary sci-fi has its fair share of space marines-action-shoot ‘em ups but this is balanced by philosophical, thought provoking concepts. Two of Britain’s biggest selling sci-fi writers are Ian M. Banks (sorely missed) and Alistair Reynolds. Why have they never made any of these great writer’s books into films? Not enough fight scenes perhaps or maybe the media again underestimates the cinema-going public’s grasp of big thought provoking concepts. Some of the best sci-fi has been thought provoking, mind and opinion changing. Take 1984. The phrase Orwellian is now used to describe states such as North Korea. Brave New World is another example and it’s a real shock that no one has tried to put Huxley’s dystopia on the big screen (although there is a TV series from the Seventies). Perhaps, maybe, because the premise is too close to the knuckle; a society patronised by its leaders and the media, continually told to be happy and smile and not think too much. Oh, while you’re up, pass me the Soma would you?


So imagine if Winston Smith and Julia had been lying together in that rented room above the junk shop in the East end of London in Oceania. As they talk, asking each other if they are the dead a voice booms from the telescreen concealed behind the picture.

‘You are the dead! Make no move, remain exactly where you are…’

As the thought police smash their way in Winston, still naked, grabs two massive lazer guns from under the bed supplied by the Brotherhood.

            ‘No way, mutherfuckers, you are the dead!’

            As he opens fire on the thought police Julia produces a bomb.

            ‘What, you’re part of the resistance too?’ gasps Winston between firing off lazer rounds.

            ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you Winston, I had to protect you.’

            ‘Yeah? Well the revolution begins here baby. Let’s show these Ministry of Love bastards some real thought crime. Hey, big Brother, Eat this!!!!!’

            Winston shots a helicopter out of the sky with the atomic grenade launcher, then grabs Julia’s hand and they bolt out of the shop taking out that ministry agent, the shop owner, before they by smashing his head into the telescreen by the front door.

            Jason Statham would play Winston Smith and it would be in a cinema near you.















Aside 10 Dec

And so the Blog Tour participation falls to me and what an honour it is. When I was younger I used to fantasise about being interviewed and here I am being interviewed. Okay, I used to fantasise that I was getting interviews by Parkinson or Terry Wogan and this was in the eighties. Getting interviewed like this, at least you have control over that you say as apposed to a like situation where you could accidently say ‘bum’ on live TV or fu…listen, shall I just stop waffling and get on with this? Okay, I will.   





1) What is the working title of your next book?

It is Highcross. Highcross being the name of the English village where the story is set.






2) Where did the idea come from for the book?


This is a long one. I originally had the idea when I was 15 (I’m now 42) and I actually wrote the whole thing and got my mum to type it out. I was inspired by a song called ‘The Tempter’ by a band called Trouble. In the original story this dead vicar comes back to life and tempts people to do bad things then they fall under his spell. This idea isn’t new. I was inspired by the children’s story ‘The Ugsome Thing’. However I called my story ‘The Church on Highcross Hill’. 26 years later I still thought it was a strong idea so revived it and the Tempter became a glamorous woman.




3) What genre does your book fall under?

Definitely horror. The start of it begins like an MR James ghost story but it builds up to, and climaxes in, hellish depravity.





4) What actors would you choose to play the part of your characters in a movie rendition?


Well, the hero is a religious property developer of Jamaican decent. Reggie Yates, the radio 1 DJ has acted in Doctor who so maybe him but he’s a bit too young. Noel Clarke? Another character is a woman who is out of prison and serving her sentence on a tag. Lisa from ‘Trollied’ would play her. The villain of the piece is Lady Grey. Beautiful but utterly evil. Helena-bonham carter springs to mind. However, there is a mature ex-page three model called Linda Lee who is Lady Grey. Does she act? Is so, does she want a job?



5) What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Left abandoned for sixty years, Highcross is renovated into a luxury village by property developers. Highcross may have been abandoned but it it’s not uninhabited.

(Alright, that’s two sentences)



6) Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

Nothing is guaranteed. I will try for an agent but I am ultimately looking to self publish it. I think my idea is strong enough to sell.





7) How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?
                         What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

I’m still writing the first draft but I began in August and aim to finish in March (2013). I work full time and write in the evenings and weekends. A hundred thousand words usually take me nine months to write.


Other books I would compare it to would be Salem’s Lot by Stephen king. There are no vampires in Highcross but there are a lot of characters. I was very inspired by The league of Gentlemen and Psychoville. Again, like these works Highcross, has a lot of characters all connected by an event or place.





9) Who or what inspired you to write this book?

For a start I was bored with writing about goodies verses baddies. I wanted to write about individuals challenged by an unusual situation. I never get over quite how weird people are. (I include myself in this). I work in healthcare and see people’s lives up close and get to study individual and family dynamics. For instance one old lady kept parrots as pets. When they died she kept them in a freezer and got them out once a year at Christmas. Another lady lived with her son who resented her for sending his girlfriend away when she was young. I wanted to write about these characters and what would happen to them if they were given their heart’s desire in exchange for their souls. So, the weirdness of people, really.






10) What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

It is set in a village that was taken over by the army in World War 2 and then abandoned much like the real villages of Imber in Wiltshire and Stanford in Norfolk. When property developer Mark Grange buys the Land from the MOD he finds the village in remarkably good condition but the village church appears to have been vandalised back in the 40’s There are bullet holes in the walls and hanging from the rafters, above the altar, is a hangman’s noose. As the houses are renovated and residents move in strange unexplained events occour, such a hauntings, strange footprints in the dust one such house that was not renovated and has laid untouched for sixty years. When Lady Grey, the resident of Highcross House, appears she offers the residents their hearts desire in exchange for a promise of their soul. Many residents agree to this, one by one, until Lady Grey has a faithful flock of worshippers. As winter sets in, all hell breaks loose as desires are granted at any cost.


Oh, I’ve just written a synopsis. There’s necrophilia, vampirism and taxidermy of the worst possible kind in Highcross. They houses may be cheap but you really don’t want to live there…



Merry Christmas.

Paul Melhuish.



I only found one writer to nominate as everyone else had already done a blog tour. I nominate James Rhodes.





Have fun!


Funfear and Realfear

24 Oct

So far in my life there have only been three writers whose work has actually left me scared. M.R.James, H.P. Lovecraft and Adam Nevill. Considering the amount of horror I’ve read and enjoyed you’d think there would be more than just three writers who have scared me. Not to denigrate other horror writers but the fear response may be due to circumstance. Adam Nevill’s novel Last Days is brilliantly written and he knows how to create tension but at the moment I’m reading it in winter and I’m living alone in a four bedroom house. (Not because I’m rich, I’m not. My missus is working away and my lodger spends every night at his girlfriends. He still pays me rent as all his stuff in here, making my house the most expensive storage locker in the Northamptonshire area)

When a book or a film scares me enough to make me jump or gasp I mentally give credit to the writer of director because they’ve managed to scare me. Well done. The other thing is that I enjoy this fear, it gives me a thrill. It’s not unpleasant. You become afraid because of fictional events. This is the side of fear I like. Funfear I call it.

Me and fear, we’re like that (crosses fingers). Funfear is fine but most of the fear I feel comes from reality. This is genuine and unpleasant. One of my biggest fears is going to the cash machine and checking my bank balance. I even break out in a cold sweat just looking at the screen when passing a hole in the wall or hearing the bleep of the keyboard. I do have another fear, though. A new fear. My new fear is opening the post.

‘Dear Mr Melhuish, you have defaulted on your mortgage repayments…Dear Mr Melhuish, you owe us, Northampton Borough Council, three billion quid for an unpaid parking fine stretching back to 1988….

            All manner of horror lies in wait in the post. I’ve got a skyscraper of unopened mail tottering in the hallway. Its not creaky stairs or wind outside that keeps me awake at night but the contents, or lack of, in my bank account and how I’m going to pay bills etc.

So here I am in a four bed roomed house on my own (which at the time of writing is on the market for £219,000 if any body’s interested in a detached house in the Northamptonshire area. Single garage, Tesco express at the bottom of the road, close to the M1).

So when I’m not avoiding the mundane fear of reality, I’m embracing the fear of nothing, of fictional events, by reading scary literature and watching scary films (note, I do not include Carry on Screaming in this list). Just lately I’ve taken to scaring myself without the help of other people’s fiction. I’m writing a horror novel at the moment set in a village that the military occupied for training then abandoned after the Second World War. A property developer buys this village and renovates the houses not knowing there is a strong supernatural presence in this village.

At one point in the story the protagonist enters a dust-covered room in one of the houses. He walks around the room, stopping to look inside a wardrobe in the left hand corner before walking to the window. After looking out of the window at the empty village below he turns to leave. In the dust is a second pair of footprints that weren’t there before, crossing the middle of the room towards him. They end right before him. (Note, he’s alone in a village that hasn’t been touched for sixty years)

I managed to scare myself with that one. And I still enjoyed it.

So, pretty soon I’ll be moving to a smaller, less creepy house but until then I’ve got Mark West’s The Mill to read and cause me to look out of the window and periodically to wonder what the hell that noise in the back garden was and a wicked little anthology called Fogbound From Five edited by Peter Mark May to make me ask myself if that sound in the attic above was footsteps or not.

Real fear will provided by HSBC, Nationwide, Northampton Borough Council and my own incompetence at dealing with reality. The rest of the time I’ll just relax.

‘Real’ as opposed to Eee.

28 May

After several months away I’ve actually figured out what my password for my blog was and got in. As I’m in I feel I should update you. Recently, my publisher and editor bought round four paperback editions of my novel ‘Terminus’. They were actually real books as opposed to ‘Eee’. It was like holding a new-born infant. However, I’ve got to lend them to friends to review and said friends will put said reviews on Amazon. However….I WANT TO KEEP THEM ALL, KEEP MY BABIES, THEY MUST NEVER LEAVE HOME. I have to fight this impulse because I need reviews. So far I’ve compiled a list of people who will be reviewing the book. I’ve also compiled a list of people I won’t be lending it to.

Graham Harris – because he only reads stuff by Andy McNabb.
My Aunt – because she’ll lose it in her cluttered spinster dwelling.
My sister – in – law – because I leant her Perdido Street Station and never got it back.
Mrs Green next door – because it’ll give her nightmares.
The bloke by the war memorial who drinks White Lightning and always asks me for a quid whenever I walk past.

Finally a note on the phrase ‘Eee’ which I’ve invented. Sounds bloody stupid, doesnt it. Yeah, well, so does Google, Wii and Yahoo but we all got used to using those words pretty quickly. Wii? Honestly, am I really the only one that still sniggers when someone says ‘I had a Wii for Christmas’?

Two New Year’s Resolutions

2 Jan

I only have two new year’s resolutions. None of them involve going to the gym more or giving up chocolate. To be honest, I’d rather spent five hours in a slaughterhouse than five seconds in a gym. No, my new year’s resolutions are both life changing and utterly orignal. If you know anyone who has the same new year’s resolutions I will give you five pee. So, here they are.

1. If you have Sky telly then you’ll know that when you are looking at the listings then the screen shrinks and appears in the right hand corner playing whatever is on the channel you are watching. For a full year I intend to watch T.V. with only that little screen on. Why? Because in a years time I will, after a whole year of squinting through series 7 of Doctor Who etc, my mind will be blown by suddenly seeing everything on full screen again. It will be like a blind man regaining his sight, only not as good. I’ve already started this. Watching Das Boot with English subtitles was nearly impossible. Fantastic.

2 To speak fluent Polish. No, readers, I won’t be going to Polish classes or listening to some tape whilst I’m asleep. I have the advantage of having a missis that speaks Polish fluently. She speaks English as well, which is handy, but my plan is to only have her speak to me in Polish when we are at home. She’d banned from speaking English for the next year. With her only speaking Polish I’ll have to work out what she’s saying to me and I reckon, after a year of this, I’ll have picked up a few words. I know Skelep is Polish for shop and I’ll imagine I’ll hear that a few times, mainly on Saturdays, around pay day. The biggest test will come in a crisis situation, when she has to tell me some bad news such as one of the cats had run into the jaws of a combine harvester or the house being repossessed because we’ve defaulted on our mortgage payments again. What an interesting and fun-filled year we will have and this experiment can only improve out relationship.
Happy new year, everyone, or as they say in Polish, Yak mash dozsi piwor (at least that’s what I think she was saying)

Oh, and Terminus is only 77 pee now (that’s $99 in pyramid-eye money) as it’s part of the January sales.


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